"Dead, dead, dead! Soon we're all be dead!"

Hello people. A national newspaper ran with a story that one of the London bombers had claimed benefits. Possibly he also had some outstanding parking tickets. I think there's little doubt in anyone's minds any more that the atrocities of recent weeks have been carried out by traffic violaters. If someone isn't prepared to respect the systems our municipal authorities have put in place to combat the evils of congestion, there is no line they won't be prepared to cross. Let's get this in perpective, people; controlled parking zones are there for a reason.

It'd be good to see governments really clamping down on the people who supply the terrorists, as well as the bomber. The biggest culprits are notoriously the Italians, who historically are responsible for the most portable and destructive weapons. Pasta on its own is a hearty meal; antipasta is a tasty delicacy- the perfect complements, one might think. But when pasta and antipasta are brought into contact they mutually annihilate, releasing pure energy. Einstein's and Garibaldi's baby run riot. It's political correctness gone mad!

"And slip, as life as bound to slip, into this entropy disorder"

There's something about being twenty-seven which makes one think about death, dying and death almost constantly. I remember seeing an Axl Rose interview where he was discussing how he said Prince had remarked on it being a difficult age. I don't see how I could give an exposition more lucid or on higher authority than that. Not if we factor in the the divine right of Prince.

Part of the motivation for pondering death 24/7 (or 12/6 - with 12 hours for sleeping and the Sabbath off) is that it prevents one's attention being drawn to the twitching sociopaths and exploding commuters that corral the sleepy Londonite on the 8.25 to Blackfriars. Working for the man takes on an extra bite when you're riding that circus of pain to work every day. It can also be handy to distract one from useful work (the curse of the thinking classes) and of course human contact.

More to the point, 27 IS a difficult age. Too old to do anything fun and too young to throw your hands up in the air and start sleeping with teenagers, you're trapped in the Telford Shopping Centre of life (pre- the funky wishing well). The limbo before the inevitable decline into well-deserved cantank and spleen. Like the adolescent hanging around Woolworths (the one next to Our Price which was then a crap Virgin which stocked the Tom Waits back catalogue) the slightest frustration is amplified from tremors to earthquakes. The fact that they don't have "Big Time" makes you afraid for your corporeal integrity. Why? At 27 you're aware at last that you won't leave a good-looking corpse.

More death to come.

Hello world! Traditionally this is the first computer program anyone writes. A little box or bit of text which pops up and says "Hello World!". Quite charming.

This is my first weblog, I don't live in Baghdad (although I do live in London) and I don't have any particularly right-wing views about Islam or the Yellow Peril or women priests or whatever people like to bang on about nowadays (young people eh?). I'm not sure what to blog about yet, normally I just say a lot of words in my head so I decided I needed a receptacle to catch them in case they started trickling out of my ears. Not sure which I'll put down and which I'll just wash down the s***er.

I'd best check if I can swear too cos life without invective is like mango ice cream without mint. I'll be back when I've checked on that...

Feel free to post and make exciting suggestions! Enjoy.

I would like to just cross-reference my girlfriend's blog about boggle, and point out that "Yage" is a real word, a south american hallucinagenic cocktail referenced not only in "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenence" and several William S. Burroughs novels, but also in medical dictionaries. It's a particularly elegant 2-pointer and I've missed out on using it twice (although apparently "Neeps" as in "Neeps and Tatties" is an English word and not an abbreviation. I don't think.).

The name "funlumps" is from a song from Evil Superstars' "Love is Ok" album. It's a bit of a mediocre album, "Satan is in My ass" is on it though and that's brilliant. I'd say a five starrer (out of ten). Freshvictims comes from the quotation "Fresh victims for my ever-growing armies of the undead", which appears in the Simpsons and obscure Quake knockoff "Blood" but is probably from something much older. If you know where, that would be sweet, please post and tell me! It is pretty much meaningless though.